Practices
What are your favorite self-help books or practices to overcome a current tough situation or past trauma?
We want to hear from YOU! What are your favorite self-help books or practices to overcome a current tough situation or past trauma?
- Meditation. *non-wellness-obsessed readers role eyes at the hippie* Really though, I have a loose interpretation of what constitutes meditation, so hear me out. I believe you can utilize whatever method feels right for you in the moment; e.g. grounding techniques, TM, mindfulness, simply being silent & tuning into yourself, affirmations, & so on. Incorporation of candles & lavender oil helps too!
- Talking lovingly to myself (yes, out loud), or writing/referring to a list of what makes me AMAZING. Though it took me a long time, developing my self-love & compassion muscles have been life-altering in the most wonderful way! This is especially crucial to do when you’re feeling low or unlovable. I keep my list on my phone so I can whip it out when I need to quickly rebound, and or to continuously add to it. Sounds cheesy, but if you take it seriously, it may really work wonders!
- Gratitude. I know this answer is totally played out, but I cannot stress enough, just how transformative this practice can be. Whether I’m going down the deep dark rabbit hole of anxiety, or even in my happiest of moments, I grab a pen and start bulleting random things that I am grateful for - these items can be big, “small”, long, short, seemingly “bad” things that I re-frame/twist to find the silver lining - the key is simply to really pause and savor each item. When you embody this state of intentional reflection and infuse more appreciation into your days, life feels so much more radiant, in even the most mundane-seeming of moments. Though cultivating this genuine appreciation takes time, it eventually becomes second nature (as do most things from this Feel Good Tool Kit).
* Extra tip: I like to keep my gratitude lists handy. That way, I can (1) easily take inventory every now and then, of how far I have come, and (2) remind myself of my life’s many blessings and feel the coinciding whole-hearted joy. We are all immersed in, and surrounded by infinite “little” miracles every day; in order to more fully realize this, usually we just have to pay closer attention and bestow upon them, the acknowledgment & awe they deserve.
- Petting my smushy dogs. Seriously. This tiny act unleashes so much oxytocin (the love hormone), lowers cortisol (the stress hormone) & in turn alleviates feelings of loneliness & unworthiness like nothing else! If you don’t have pets, consider volunteering at a shelter, or simply stopping to pet someone’s dog on the street. Life is made up of small moments such as these, so don’t let a cute pup pass you by when you could so easily extend & receive some much-needed love right then & there!
- Consistent therapy. However, a word of caution: I believe it is imperative that you find someone with whom you have chemistry, otherwise therapy can feel more daunting than healing. (I’ve been seeing a reiki healer/life coach for the past three years and I LOVE her. However, I saw countless other therapists prior, with whom I just couldn't quite jive, nor benefit from in the same way). Be patient, but persistent. You deserve the unique help & connection that YOU respond best to. (Note: Though I have tons of personal experience and am in grad school to be a therapist, I AM NOT yet a professional and thus all of my suggestions should be taken with a grain of salt; use them merely as a catalyst/inspiration for your own customized approach to suit your needs best.)
- Long drives. When I was being bullied, I loved cruising around with the windows down, some meaningful tunes and the ability to be alone to think, cry, sing (scientifically-proven to be way more therapeutic than people realize), or just get away from it all for a little bit.
- Some social support. Leaning on my family both then, and throughout many other trials, has absolutely saved my life. The bond I solidified with them during this time in particular however, is possibly the greatest gift to have come out of such an otherwise unbearable situation (especially since our relationship had been a bit strained prior; so don’t necessarily fret if yours is too). I cannot even begin to convey to you how much they helped me, nor how much I cherish them; a magnitude that would have been unachievable, had I not gone through one of the lowest spans of my life (see how everything flourished and blossomed magnificently in the end?).
* However, if you do not have this kind of relationship with your own family - consider seeking a mentorship program or something of that nature to keep you feeling supported, playful, social, etc. Although this can feel terrifying if you’ve been traumatized by bullying; humans are social beings; we crave true connection and love with others which helps to bolster our own resiliency. That being said though, I am also a huge proponent of straddling such dependency with stretches of autonomy; we need to be alone with ourselves from time to time as well - the key is maintaining a healthy balance between the two states of being, as best we can.
- Helping & being kind to others. Sometimes the best medicine for an aching heart is to soothe someone else’s struggle. Give back to others, and by extension you will cyclically inject some power and lightness back into yourself. Observe how loving and forgiving you are with others, and then treat and talk to yourself exactly as you would them. One way to do that is by…
- Being unapologetically authentic. Do this even when you perceive yourself as “imperfect” (go watch Brene Brown’s TED talk on how attractive imperfection/vulnerability is - trust me, “flaws” rock and breed TRUE connection eventually, so flaunt em!). It might seem tempting to mask your real personality if you have been bullied for it, or emotions when you are anxious or depressed; but sometimes the way to truly work through those feelings and learn to self-soothe & self-love, is by allowing them to stay & teach you for a while. Do not beat yourself up for needing this space and time. Oftentimes, “healing” is arduous and seemingly never-ending. I know it hurts. I know It’s exhausting. But I promise you will come to love this perplexing & difficult period one day; though counter-intuitive and hard to imagine in moments of sadness, it will likely mold you into the kindest, most genuine and most staggeringly beautiful being you will ever have the honor of knowing.
- Current favorite resources:
~Lacy Phillips - Free + Native: her advice & meditations deal directly with healing past trauma and cultivating more profound self-worth. Though you have to pay for most of her offerings, she does have some free or super cheap resources on YouTube, the Supported Community via her website, and her “Expanded” podcast.
~Speaking of FREE stuff/pods - I am obsessed with self-help/soulful/funny podcasts (I’d be happy to share my list if you’d like)!
~Some of my most cherished go-to books: The Universe Has Your Back, Miracles Now, Presence, Eat Pray Love, Manifest Your Destiny, and so many more.
~There are also some other favs of mine linked below & on the each page, so have at em’!
NOW IT’S YOUR TURN: Please leave your favs & all other comments below! There are zero judgies here! (…I mean, clearly… I just said “judgies”…)
Love,
M